My Little Man, has caused me to once again stop and think about my life and change. The past 12 weeks have not exactly been uneventful. While all of these changes were welcomed events in our lives they are not without there difficulty. As adults we have learned to deal with change, sometimes better than others.We find ways to cope and handle it even though it looks different for every person. Ben and I knew everything was coming, before Noah was even born we knew that our time in Dallas was coming to a close. While it did not make leaving those we came to care deeply about and love, any easier we knew it was coming.
Noah, not so much. He has
struggled, I feel for him. He left all he ever knew to a strange house, meeting
lots of strange people. And top it off he was changing himself, starting to
crawl everywhere and now pull himself up and move all over! All of this is a
lot to take in. It has honestly taken a long time for him to adjust but I
think he is finally getting it. When all of this happened he stopped sleeping
well, and started getting very clingy with me. I could not leave the
room without him bursting into tears. Nights were so bad some nights he just
cried for hours.
Change caused him to cling to the only people he knew to be a constant for him; me. That is how he coped, yes I have to admit it was annoying sometimes just walking into another room for a second and having him start screaming!As I sit here I am reminded of his dependence on me, and how that should mirror my dependence on God. Often it does not sadly enough. But my son gives me a picture of how I should be.
I need to be clinging to my Savior more in times of turmoil.
Right now I carry a lot of anger with me. Though I see God's working hand, I am hurt. I have been pushing Him aside because I can't seem to understand why. I know he is waiting for me with open arms but some days I don't want those arms. I want to shove them aside and walk away.God is patient, loving, kind, and more than anyone understands my hurt. His patience is what I need daily to deal and cope. I am thankful that on the days that I come back crawling to God, He is waiting with open arms. Not judging me for my failures, not reminding me of what I have done, but lovingly calling me Child. Because like I said before...
Because sometimes I am the lost son.
"22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."
-Luke 15 22:24
