Things sometimes get hard.

Not sure if it is the dreariness outside this morning, the grumpy baby who refuses to take his nap, or the stress I can see all over my wonderful husband's face, but today is a hard day. These days happen normally I can shake them off. Take a nice long hot shower, drink some iced coffee and read a fun book, or do something mindless on the computer. But not today. Today is hard.

I have this ever daunting list of things that need to get done, a list that just seems to keep growing. I have a baby who can't decide if he wants to be happy or sad. I am preparing for what seems like a thousand things all at the same time and even if I get one thing done another thing seems to pop up in its place. Today is hard.

This is a different hard than I wrote about the other day. This is a hard, that is hard on your heart and soul. This is a hard that has been building up for what seems like days, weeks, and even months. I can't change this hard. I can only embrace it and move on.

Cast all my cares. 

Should be easy right? Well its not. Its painful, difficult, and daunting. Just when I think I have got it, my situation changes and I lose it again. We are heading into a land of uncertainty. We can make our plans, but that is just it, they are our plans. We are waiting on God.  He has to show us what He wants from us. While I know there are so many possibilities its hard being the strong one. That's how I feel sometimes. I know its not true but wow sometimes it just gets you! 

But here comes my blessing. I am not alone. I have a helper....

Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and deliverer; O my God, do not delay.  –Psalm 40:17

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. –Psalm 55:22

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

-Matthew 6:34

So even on this hard day I am trying to take comfort in the truth of God's word but truthfully its a minute by minute struggle and at this minute not sure who's winning. 

Life Lessons

So the past week has been one of the hardest Mommy weeks I have had in a long time. I had several unexpected long days at work and less and less time at home with little man. Normally I work 3 days a week and they are normally short days. Last week I worked 2- 10/11 hour days, and 2- 7 hour days. Needless to say Mommy, Daddy, and Baby were ALL ready for this past week to be over. Though the last week was extremely hard I have gained a new respect for full time working mothers. I think of my two sisters-in-laws (whom I have the deepest adoration for) and wonder "wow how do they do it" they truly are AMAZING and have the patience of saints!

So here are a few things I was reminded of this past week :

• I am a sinner who gets tired, cranky, and impatient!! Ok so I knew all of these things before, but wow did they come to light!  There really is no time off; working a very long day then coming home to a cranky baby that misses you and needs you. I am so sad to admit but it felt like I was leaving one job and coming home to another.
• Patience is something that God still needs to constantly work on me with! On a normal day I am home with little man and we have a great time, its just him and I I can stay calm cool and collected, but not when I have been at work all day. It was hard for me to come home and enjoy my baby. I love him but I found I had a short fuse.
• Noah needs his Mommy, and his Mommy needs him. I found that while yes I could tell that Noah missed me it does a mommy's hear real well to hear her baby crying down the hall, walk in the door and have him light up in a smile after seeing me (not much for a tired daddy though).
• I have an Amazing, Wonderful,Godly husband who works hard to take care of Noah and I!! Once again I knew this but I was shown such compassion even when I was grumpy. I also think Ben learned a little bit about being a stay at home dad (something I don't think he enjoyed much).

All this to say: I love my boys. And at the end of the week we had a wonderful afternoon at the park full of smiles, giggles, and family time. Just a simple reminder of how Blessed I am.